Me: Has anxiety about getting fired every day
Get’s fired after 7 years
Me: “Son of a bitch. I knew it!”
A lot of people with autism diagnoses really should look into trauma. This is a textbook trauma response.
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Yeah, but you’re also secretly hoping for it. It’d take care of the decision you’ve been wanting to take for ages but couldn’t quite justify. You know it’d be better for your mental health, but you’re missing that one big event to ‘force your hand’.
Fucking called me out right there.
Me too.
It’s thinking about what you could / should be doing, and then realizing you’ve been staring at a wall for half an hour.
It’s hearing Step 3 and panicking because you had a question about Step 2, but maybe they’ll answer it later on so you don’t want to interrupt and- oh we’re on Step 7 now.
It’s wanting to listen to some music, and spending the next several hours deciding on the perfect playlist.
Wanting to listen to some music -> picking your favourite songs in the ideal order for perfect vibe graphing -> realizing your music player doesn’t do gapless playing which is necessary for a perfect experience -> looking up C++ tutorials so you can fork your music player and add gapless playing -> it’s suddenly 2032
And then realizing maybe it would be easier to have an AI pick similar songs for this project and then spend 2 weeks writing python scripts to do so like 75% of the final goal to only get bored with the project after the hard part is done and leave it unfinished.
only get bored with the project after the hard part is done
Ah yes, the ADHD prioritization list…
- Interest
- Novelty
- Challenge
- Urgency
It’s because ADHD people don’t get any “ah, it feels good to complete this thing” dopamine for mundane tasks, and only get it for doing big tasks.
If they’re interested in the thing, then they don’t care about the dopamine reward; The task itself is the reward. Lots of ADHD people will have their comfort games or shows that they can focus on for hours at a time.
If it’s not interesting, it needs to be novel. Learning something new rewards that dopamine in a way that simply doing the task does not. And being challenged in new ways means you get dopamine rewards even for otherwise small tasks.
If it’s not interesting or novel, it needs to be challenging enough for your brain to consider it a large task worth rewarding.
And finally, if it’s not interesting, novel, or challenging, your brain can substitute adrenaline and cortisol in place of dopamine. So the task needs to be urgent enough to trigger those stress hormones. Every person with ADHD has stories of doing a week long project in three hours, because they put it off until it was so stressful that the stress was its own motivator.If the task doesn’t hit one of those four basic points, it simply won’t be prioritized.
A 10 page research paper with 2 weeks to complete; written overnight and realizing how much more time you should have spent on it, and why did I do this to myself again (no AI to “help” you at that time). Saving, printing, and sprinting to class because you somehow managed to complete it 10 minutes before class starts.
Never considered using “Urgency” as a motivator, but it checks out… a lot. I like to consider it just being “optimistic” about how much time I have
I had gapless playback working on desktop a few years ago but now I just have this HTML5 player I threw together because it works and there’s no way I’m gonna program for Android for free
anyway I hate phones
You went much farther than I ever did. Mad props
It’s wanting to listen to music but installing Linux on an old computer instead because the thing you wanted to listen to is by a band who you saw live and they were great and you want to listen to a specific live version so you go to YouTube where your feed has an Action Retro video where he’s putting Linux on some shitty old hardware again and you’re like ‘that looks fun’ and you end up not listening to music and still managing to fuck up the installation.
It’s posting this reply 👆🏼 because it sprang into your brane then hitting post and realising that it’s basically the same as the other reply that the comment got and feeling guilty for wasting everyone’s time.
Absolutely brilliant comment.
Shit, I need to get checked for ADHD.
Why are you doxxing me like this?
I thought this was illegal
That’s anxiety isn’t it? You can have ADHD without that, as far as i know?
That’s about constantly fearing the reality-check moment that comes after your “evil mirror ADHD twin” residing in your mind who’s just too keen to take over the wheel of your life and fuck it up in the most twisted way unbeknown to you.
Yes, there’s the constant anxiety about this, but that anxiety is a direct consequence of having a “spicy mind”.
I find that it belongs here, as anxiety and ADHD can play right into each other.
ADHD will very typically lead to missed deadlines, for example: Already getting the 2nd demand note on something you had to file, apartment is a mess but the landlord comes over in a few hours to inspect something, work.
Now anxiety can trigger when there is nothing to be anxious about, that’s what makes it pathological, but it does NOT get better when there really IS something to be anxious about.
And when anxiety peaks, ADHD can make it feel differently. Just like a regular task that becomes an unmanageable tangle of unordered steps and potential escalations and obstacles rather than a clear series of steps, ADHD can also make the perceived consequences of a missed deadline more chaotic and harder to process, reason and think yourself out of.
I agree that it’s not a good answer to the question “What does it feel like to have ADHD?”, but microblogging is all about simplifying and giving one example, from a layman perspective who will not be able to draw a clear line between the related ailments she has.
I can’t for the life of me remember their name or even where I read it at this point but there was some clinical psychologist who estimated that as many as 75% of adults with anxiety disorders have the level of anxiety we do because of (or at least comorbid with) ADHD.
More specifically this post is about RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria) which is highly linked to ADHD though they are different things.
ADHD just often causes RSD.
Until I got diagnosed 3 yrs ago I never understood why rejection hit me like a Mack truck. I beat the living crap out of myself for 60+ years over stuff like that. :/
was gonna say, have anxiety but not ADHD
I’d agree, I live in the typical ADHD chaos but this meme doesn’t feel relatable to me. I guess I’m lucky? Anyway, I’d totally say this is about anxiety, not ADHD.
Definitely anxiety but they certain can make the other work. Like peanut butter and chocolate for messing up your life.
Common comorbidity?
It is. You can have both of course and having ADHD can help develop some anxiety, but they have nothing to do with each other.
They definitely can have something to do with each other. Anxiety and Depression linked to ADHD is a very common symptom and it’s typical for patients who suffer from undiagnosed ADHD to seek medical assistance for the first two and then being diagnosed. Anxiety and depression can often be a co-morbidity (I hope I use the word right) of ADHD.
For me personally ADHD gives me anxiety due to the feelings of stress it causes and the depression comes from feeling unable to handle/cope with it.
Exactly what happened to me. I went for help with depression and anxiety. 3 years later, nothing really working, I find out I have severe ADHD at age 41. And my whole life made sense.
Can, but don’t have to. A meme like this promotes a direct correlation. Can be indeed indirectly due to ADHD. Can also be a ton of other problems.
I’m not a doctor but I do have adhd, depression and anxiety. A quick Google confirms they are in fact linked, so I’m not sure what you mean by “have nothing to do with each other”.
You can also be black, hungry or a chess-player. And also have ahdh. Doesn’t mean they’re necessarily connected. Especially if a meme like this wants to promote their symptoms as “due to ahdh”.
Not “necessarily connected” is far from “nothing to do with each other”. You need to stop shifting the goal posts and take the L.
Literally me with money, lol.
I don’t have an official diagnosis, just some traits, but one trait I don’t have is the impulse spending. I mean… I do have it. I am impulsive and have tendencies to impulse buy certain foods and stationary if it isn’t too expensive.
But I am so fucking terrified of going into crippling debt, that it curbs any impulse to buy anything expensive ever. My spouse wants me to loosen up a bit and treat myself a bit more, but I cannot allow myself to get used to spending money on unnecessary things.
Was on the phone with him earlier today and we went over some dvd films we would like to buy for our collection (I compiled a very long document with movies and shows we should own) and I spontaneously came across an ad for acrylic brush tip markers and went down the rabbit hole with him on the other end. I think we talked about the markers - I explained the difference between acrylic and alcoholic markers, the difference between felt tips and brush tips and why acrylic markers with brush tips was a pretty big deal - the manufacturer, the prices, shipping and the history of the company and where it was based and spouse ended up saying “well, you can place an order on the movies and the markers. You should treat yourself” and I immediately closed all the tabs and went “nah”.
I swear, if I was single and living alone, I would become one of those weirdos living in squalor while having a fat, untouched bankaccpunt by the time I die an old hermit with no heirs.
Poverty scares me so much I’m willing to live as one forever.
I am waiting any day now that the bank will send me an email, scolding me for having some magic, secret debt I never knew about and that I will end up on the street with my poor boyfriend who won’t know what hit him. Anxiety is an irrational bitch.
When HR calls and asks if you can pop into his office and you’re convinced you’re about to get sacked because they’ve finally caught up with your bullshit, but he just wants to ask if you can do something for him.
Am I getting a raise, a bonus, or fired? There is truly a no way to tell.
It’s almost certainly never the first two.
Same but change email to seeing my Lemmy inbox with more than 20 notifications.
lesson learned: don’t ever post a meme with a censored swear on Lemmy 😭😭
https://sh.itjust.works/post/38935539
Yeah, unnecessary censorship is really bugging me nowadays lol sorry you got white personed, maybe even by me.
You assume I check my email.
When I was young, I got diagnosed with depression and GAD.
A few years later I got the ADHD diagnosis. I almost definitely need an increased dosage now (I’ve been on this dose for 7ish years and I’ve noticed difficulty, getting worse).
Holy shit does Adderall regulate all that stuff. I can fo isolate my mind to actually important things like work.
Once it wears off at night though? It’s like a giant ugly muscle man dude knocks are my house door and says “Room service!” Breaking down the door and proceeds to smash anxiety and grief back into my brain.
that’s anxiety, not ADHD
People with ADHD often tend to have more anxiety than “normal” people.
No, just because you have anxiety doesn’t mean you have ADHD. Nobody is trying to make this argument.
Try living a life where you remember far too late, and it happens far too often, that (something) needed to be done. Here you are having a regular day and the phone rings or a text message pops up and (insert “oh shit” here: missed your appointment, forgot you were working today, missed a class final or major assignment, a late bill, missed a deadline, etc.) because your ADHD spaced it out completely. And it spaced out putting the pop ip reminder in your phone. Or of you put it in, your dumb ass silenced the phone. Or you didn’t remember to make it an audible notification and hour beforehand. Or any number of opportunities you had to put barriers up between yourself and a fuckup that you just never did, or sabotaged yourself somehow, because ADHD. After years of getting painful or costly reminders of your fuckups you tend to get a ptsd-like anxiety where you will be just being alive and suddenly get anxiety because you remember the last time you were having a good time something jumped out and reminded you that you forgot it and fucked up, and you’re sitting there wondering what you fucked up even if you didn’t fuck up just because you know that last time you were happy you fucked something up by forgetting. And it was too late to fix that thing, so you were incredibly stressed wondering how you’re going to unfuck it, if you even can.
That’s anxiety from ADHD. That’s when ADHD is a real thing that negatively impacts your life. No, not just an “everyone gets stressed if they forget”, it’s you knowing you’re going to forget, trying to remember to not forget, forgetting all of that, then paying the price for forgetting over and over again.
Thank you for writing this out.
Oftentimes I’ll venture to the local junkyard for car parts, usually with a couple specific parts in mind, find that the cars related to my model don’t have said parts (because someone else already got to it, or it’s wrecked in that location, etc), so I’ll snag a few other parts that appear useful.
Almost every time, I’ll get halfway home and remember that the part/s I was initially looking for (engine bits, buttons, etc) aren’t specific to my car model, and then realize that I walked past at least two rows full of “other” cars that had those parts available. But I can’t go back because my wife and kids are expecting me because I already told them I was heading out and now we have plans, etc etc…
Yep. The irritation and frustration is real. It’s maddening that the times you do remember it’s often immediately after and too late to correct. Like remembering to take your grocery bags to the store. After you’re already halfway to the store.
I rely heavily on to-do lists, calendar entries, and reminders. Without it, I would go insane. Growing up, my mom carried a full-blown day planner everywhere she went, and as I got older, I realized how beneficial it was. These days all my day planning stuff is on my phone, but a pen and paper planner is perfectly acceptable, too.
This is the way.
Don’t forget the little things, like relationships.
My wife (after nearly 10 years) is beginning to work with me on things.
I’ve told her countless times that if she just gives me a verbal list of tasks, I’ll handle one, maybe two if they’re small, and the rest is gone.
Text me. Email me. Write it down. Let me reference it later. I’m not trying to get out of <Insert Chore> I honestly got distracted and forgot. Why was I distracted? Well, there are 11 animals in this house, not to mention phones and computers and TVs and yeah… Plus, any time I try to accomplish anything, she tries to add more to the list (verbally) and it fucks me all up.
A list. Simple, succinct. If I run out of shit to do, I’ll let ya know.
Its hard some days.
I’ve literally gone out to a corner store to pick up wine for later, and had her text me adding crap, and I never wound up getting the wine. Totally forgot.
That was why I left the house in the first place. It was the only place I had planned to go!
Oh, damn the “just a few things from the store.”
Go with 1-2 things in mind, wind ip coming home with 15, minus one of the things you actually needed. Meanwhile you entered the store repeating to yourself what you needed and still screwed it up. Why not write it down? Because this time I’ll remember. If you even have the thought to write it down occur to you.
Eh, my whole family is adhd. It’s not the forgetting things that bothers me as much as the failure to put up all available reminders. We know we’re gonna forget. So put the reminder in the calendar app with a notification! Nope. Just another fuckup waiting to bite you in the ass the day after when you suddenly remember it for no fucking reason at all.
…because you know that last time you were happy you fucked something up by forgetting. And it was too late to fix that thing,
THIS. How come we constantly find ourselves messing up things where the only practical solution would be simply time traveling to not having done it?
I’m kinda sick of it at this point, either give me a way to fix it, or the slack I give everybody else. If nobody was mortally threatened by my mistake, it’s not worth endlessly rattling on or yelling about.
I HATE disappointing people but I’m going to, and sadly statistically at a higher rate than others. Forgive me and move on, or I’ll forgive myself and do the same.
It honestly kinda crushes me but I’ve found myself candidly and sincerely saying things like:
“No I don’t wanna go to / do that fun-sounding thing unless I’ve literally got the whole day for it, because whenever I have too much fun I end up in some kind of trouble where I totally forgot something important or I had some place to be or something, so nah.”
I really do wish I could turn to whimsy or serendipity more often, but I’m just expecting to suddenly look at my phone and see missed calls and texts like “Are you almost here?” or “WHERE ARE YOU!?” or something of the like…
I’m even aware this seems like irrational anxiety but boy have I been burned before…
Most people with ADHD also experience emotion regulation issues, so it is easy for them to also be diagnosed with anxiety disorders
Yes, I don’t have adhd but for a long time at work I felt like this. Mix of anxiety and imposter syndrome I think
The worst thing is when it actually happens. You’d think you’d be prepared. And yet…
Cause it always happens right after you finally manage to convince yourself that you’re overthinking things and that you’re looking too deep into it. And thennn…
finally manage to convince yourself
What is this superpower
Its called 8 am when your still well rested and optimistic about the day. It wears off around 9am.
My boss phoned me on a Thursday in '06 when I was working remotely for about 3 years.
My worst fears - and the moment I’d pre-lived in my head while ruminating in the dark nights and in every half-second while reaching to answer any ad-hoc call had finally arrived, and I knew it when he asked, “Eileen, are you still on the call?” When HR needs to be there, you’re less trying to save a career than you are ceasing CPR on a coma patient who’s come to the end of the will, and then beyond.
With the emotion reserved for an exhausted TV doctor filling in the forms after a grueling session trying to save my tiny corner of the world for days and weeks and years, we finished off the off-boarding call, pausing often so my boss could ensure I was ‘gonna be okay’ and not lose my own will; and go beyond, as so many had after losing their dream post during this years-long hemorrhage of money to pay David Boies’ team on his legal quest to punish a big old company essentially for leaking our nudes in a cheap coffee-table book. I miss those people, my lost peers, to this day.
But here’s the thing: because I had lived out this call, because I’d replayed this conversation in my head in the dark over-nights while waiting on a compile on a deadline, because it flashed in front of my eyes so many times, I was ready. I’d trained for this eventuality. I did my part, performed my role and we were done in a few boring minutes.
I think this is that: dreading that email where they ‘find out’ your problem is less ‘imposter syndrome’ and really just ‘imposter’ is maybe a coping mechanism for a call or meeting or email you need to be ready for so the impact doesn’t break you. Your brain is training you.
You can’t avoid that training, I’m sure. You can, though, suffer through it and use it so you don’t lose everything, including your will. Know it for what it is, and run through that fire drill so you can get out with your sanity intact, even as you know that today’s not that day.
(The company died, by the way. It spent almost every red cent to get what was a Brock Turner apology and a re-framing. In the end, it lost more than it ever had, and its nudes, its software crown jewels, now sits locked in a Novell closet where no one who even understands the software that led us into the golden age we are now will ever see it.)
Lol, the reason I dread opening my work email every morning
I thought that was just being raised catholic
Nah I managed to get Catholic guilt and Protestant work ethic despite being raised atheist
I feel this in my soul
