It looks like I’ve injured myself in a way that will not heal. This is partially due to age, and partially due to my own overconfidence and refusing to accept that I’m not a teenager anymore. Long story short, I used to be able to ride long distances on my bicycle, and now I can’t do that anymore.
I had big plans to go on long bicycle tours and basically live off my bike for weeks at a time. With this new limitation, it’s very unlikely that I will ever be able to do that. I was just getting started on the pathway to fulfilling a lifelong dream, and now I’m faced with this hard reality; I will never get to do what I’ve wanted to do since I was a child.
People age. We can’t help that, but we can help getting old. I feel like I let myself get old. I feel like I fucked up, because I did. The injury was easily avoidable, and was totally my fault. Now I’m blaming myself.
I can still ride my bike, just not very far. I’ve spent the past year trying to push through this new limitation, and now I’m seeing that’s not going to happen.
I know I’ll eventually find a bright side to this. Maybe it’ll cause me to have some experience I wouldn’t have had otherwise? Maybe I’ll figure out a compromise of some kind?
I’ve been fortunate enough to have been healthy my whole life, so this is all new for me. I suppose I should have expected it eventually, but now here it is, and I’m not ready.
I’d like to hear about how others have learned to accept a sudden limitation in their life.
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Dumb question, but have you explored recumbent bikes, trikes, electric bikes, motorcycles?
If you enjoy the great outdoors, and the bicycle was a mechanism to get out there, there are many options for continued enjoyment.
Yes, I was here to suggest some workaround for him. This should be good option for OP to find way around this limitation.
Lots of disabled people think in different way - not I can’t do it, but how can I do it or what to do different to came to same goal.
> Lots of disabled people think in different way - not I can’t do it, but how can I do it or what to do different to came to same goal.
That’s what I’m looking for right there. Thanks.
I’ve been legally blind my whole life. There are definitely some big limitations, like not being able to drive. But I live in an apartment where I can walk to work. I can use a computer with an arm to bring the monitor closer and use a screen magnifier. I can look at things far away with a monocular or through my phone camera. Basically you might have to find innovative ways of doing things, but there’s usually a workaround. It can even be fun to think of clever solutions.
I own a recumbent, and unfortunately that’s not the solution here. The problem is with my knee, and recumbents don’t really help with that. I like to operate under my own power, so I’m trying to avoid electric bikes, but one of them might be in my future. As for motor vehicles, I seek to avoid those entirely, but I might just have to car-camp and use my bike while at the camping spot. That’s one of the compromises I’m considering, but that’s not nearly as satisfying as going from town to town under your own power.
I think an arm-operated bicycle might be worth looking into. I don’t know much about them, but I have seen them around before. I don’t even know their proper name.
Adaptive handcycle bikes are what they’re called. Martyn Ashton on GMBN’s YouTube rides one since he is paraplegic.
Ah, thank you!
Allow me to sing the praises of touring trikes. I have a terra-trike, which is not top of the line by any measure, but dang is it fun! The trike solves a lot of problems for me, really feels like magic. Maybe some day I’ll add an electric assist, but for now it’s acoustic and deeply satisfying.
> …but for now it’s acoustic
Ha! I like that. I’ve ridden a Cattrike before and really liked it, but the problem is with my knee, and a recumbent won’t solve that unfortunately.
Knee surgery? (Followed by a couple years of physical therapy)
Maybe some kind of bionic knee, or external knee brace.
Or just pretend that your leg has been amputated. What are the possible ways to do something similar.
Is the key to operating under your own power more about keeping your heart rate up?
Maybe an electric assist that still requires you to generate some power is the right compromise.
Maybe just plan shorter travel days and distances. Like coordinate a series of backyards to camp in.
What’s the heart of traveling for you? Are there things you get out of it that don’t relate to distance traveled?
Find another way. There are always options.
CGOB has plenty of journals from people riding 15-25 mile days, people on recumbents, people on trikes. People are even starting to tour on ebikes nowadays.
I got fucked up by cancer. I experimented with options to find what works. Am I gonna win the Great Divide? Nope, sure won’t. Can I ride the route if I wanted? Yup, with some modifications I can totally do it.
Find your modifications and your options. Kick some ass.
I forgot all about CGOB, and will definitely go have to revisit that site. Thanks.
Grieve. It helps to leave lots of room to be sad, feel disappointed, and also make internal space all the other less palatable emotions like shame or internalized ableism or self blame. Then, you can find either workarounds for the activities you miss, or other activities that fill those needs and interests for you. But letting yourself be really upset, without modulating it or rushing through it, is an important step. You’re also going to find yourself annoyed at people you know who make unrealistic suggestions or surprised at those who don’t have the capacity for compassion that you expected - make room to be annoyed and sad about that too. There are a lot of bright and lovely things that won’t have changed in your life, and other things that you might not have considered or encountered until after your life changed, but for the love of all of those things, i implore you to take a minute get very sad and be very angry. Trying to skip that step in my own life is something i regret - positivity becomes very exhausting when it’s a band aid on something you’re not letting yourself feel. Also, reading the writings and social media posts of people who have had similar experiences to yours can help a lot, both in terms of emotional processing and practical tips for dealing with that particular injury or issue. All bodies fall apart, but most of us are not ever taught how to deal with it and there’s a lot of weird emotions that come up. Highly recommend looking for memoirs, websites, social accounts, and whatever else you can find that pertains directly or tangentially to your experiences. I wish you all the best in navigating this.
Skating used to be whole life, my right leg has been held together by a metal rod for the last 7 years now.
Like you, it was caused by an avoidable miskate that was my own fault. I can still get on skates (though that took about 3 years) and I’m limited to doing that for about half an hour and can’t move fluidly.
For me the solution wasn’t to do everything I could to continue doing the thing I loved, but rather to let it go. These days I ride (small, quiet) motorbikes, walk my dogs, and have recently taken up archery.
Had I not broken my leg there’s a diversity of experiences I’d have missed out on, because I was enraptured with The Thing. There’s more to the world than one single hobby!
If you have close friends and family, do try and talk through how you’re feeling with them, and think about seeing a therapist - these sorts of limitations are hard to adapt to for everyone!
I wish you good luck in whatever sort of adventures you have next :-)
Sounds to me like you’re already on the path to having it figured out when you say something like “I know I’ll eventually find a bright side to this”.
I’ve had to come to terms with limitations myself. The thing that’s worked best for me is radical acceptance. Simply always accepting that the present moment is what it is. That doesn’t mean give up improving or anything. It just means that however I’m feeling in the present about my limitations is ultimately not that important. The sun will rise tomorrow regardless of what’s going on for me.
Looking at the picture “the pale blue dot” helps with this idea too.
I’ve been lucky enough to avoid physical limitations so far, but I’ve done a lot of long-term travelling. Are you craving a bike tour specifically, or is part of it wanting to be nomadic/outside/survival mode for awhile? You can always go rubber tramping/dirtbagging with a vehicle, stay at campgrounds and bring a bike with you to go for shorter rides. Hell if you can walk decent and wanna get real rugged, there’s always hitchhiking. I’ve met plenty of haggard old men with injuries and lives full of manual labor and drug abuse who are still getting around. There’s a million ways to travel.
I know I have options. That’s what I’m working out now. I’ve been trying to avoid motor vehicles, but have gone car camping with my bike a few times. It’s okay, but there’s nothing like going from town to town under your own power. I’ve heard the saying “You don’t have any problems, just lots of solutions you don’t like.” That probably applies to me here.
speaking on cycling in particular, there is still plenty to enjoy about short rides! you can always take another mode of transportation to a new place and go for a short ride there if you’re looking for a new “project.”
I’ve been living with a newly acquired “old man knee” now for about two weeks. Last Monday, I woke up, and my right knee hurt like hell and was swollen. I could barely walk but managed to get to the emergency room. The doctor said I probably overdid an activity. I have no idea what activity I overdid because I’m new to this concept of overdoing things, so I’ve started asking around. I’m like “hey, what would you consider overdoing this or that?” I wear my knee brace when I go out for a walk, I take my anti-inflammatory pills when needed and my paracetamol when needed, and I’m learning by asking people. I think you and I might be similar. I’ve never broken anything. Until now, I’ve been doing all the activities like I’ve always done them since like, I don’t know, age 18. For me it has been a learning experience, yes, and I think that’s a bright side you’ve pointed out. I feel more humble than I did before, too, and I think that’s good as well. I was planning on taking a very long, all-day walk in the country before this happened. I didn’t have a particular day programmed, just any time before the summer is over. I guess this sort of thing forces us to change plans. In your case, maybe you can’t live on your bicycle and do a huge tour, but you can totally compromise. If I were you, I might try to find a bus company that allows people to take their bikes with them. Then, you could do a bus and bike combo tour, right? If you have a car, do a drive the car and bike ride combo tour. In my case, I’m going to see how my knee improves (if it improves) and instead of a long all-day walk in the country I’ll just figure out a shorter hike to take, maybe ride on some transportation, walk, then ride on some transportation, and repeat as needed. You did not let yourself get old. I know from experience of getting there myself (now 48, nearly half a century!) that we do not make ourselves get old. Time passes by and does all that work for us. We can, however, make other types of decisions that we can be happy with, like the examples I’ve given you. I know it’s hard to make compromises even with yourself (I’m doing it, though) but I think with a little imagination you can find ways to change plans that can be satisfying.
Are you me?
Like you said, I’ve been doing all the stuff I used to do since I was a teenager without thinking about it. That’s what fucked up my knee, and those days of not thinking about it are over. It’s a whole new life I have to get used to.
Also, what am I gonna do with all these bikes?
I guess we are not twins. I was hoping you could ride your bikes a little. No bikes at all, then? I’m very sorry to hear that. I don’t think you messed up your knee being foolish or doing things thoughtlessly. Injuries happen because we move around and also because we get older, as you mentioned in your OP. Please don’t beat yourself up. If you can’t ride your bikes anymore I guess for now grieve the loss you feel. When you’re ready, you’ll find alternatives, but it will take a lot of time, especially when you feel as passionate about your hobby as you clearly do. I’ve been swearing at myself around the house today because sometimes I forget I have a shitty knee and kneel down on the floor or put weight on it. So, solidarity. I hope you can process all of this in a way that will make sense to you. And again, please, don’t beat yourself up. Go easy on yourself, OK? If you can’t convince yourself you did nothing wrong, at the very least, please find a way to forgive yourself. Everyone deserves forgiveness. At least, that’s how I see things.
> I don’t think you messed up your knee being foolish or doing things thoughtlessly.
I did. I felt the discomfort and thought I could just “ride through it”, so I went another 25 miles as it got progressively worse. I thought it was just a muscle cramping. It was my cartilage tearing.
I can still ride my bikes, but maybe only 10-20 miles of light/moderate effort. I can’t go distances anymore.
Thanks for the support. I do appreciate it.
You’re so welcome. I’m grateful to find someone with a similar problem I have. It’s helpful to commiserate. I’m so glad you can still ride your bike a little. I think that if my knee hadn’t swollen up like it did I would perhaps have found myself in a similar situation to yours. Until two weeks ago, I would have called it “working it out,” with “it” being the discomfort. Joints are like that. I have a small pain here and there in the past years and walking a little has provided me with relief. Even now, it feels good to bend my shitty knee when it’s sore. In fact, when it starts to feel funny, I automatically bend it to make it feel better. Moving joints helps with pain. It’s just not always a good idea. How are we supposed to know? We aren’t specialists in this stuff. So, in my mind, you did nothing stupid. In fact, it makes total sense to me. I’m going through it now as I’m typing, actually! Anyway, feel free to chat any old time. Always happy to listen and read about your experiences and be helpful if I can.
I would suggest talking to a therapist to help you learn some tools to help you mentally adapt. Once you have the skill set to adapt to the mental changes, adapting to the changes in your physical abilities is easier.
Give yourself time and permission to mourn what you’ve lost, all of what you’ve lost, including what you’re capable of doing, your plans, your sense of self and safety/infallibility, and whatever else. Mourning looks different for everybody, but feel free to take cues from your culture’s public rituals around it, e.g. funerals, mourning periods, etc.
After that, you might want to look at what about all those things was important to you and see if there’s anything else that can provide those things, e.g. if it’s the travel that was important, find a different way to travel.
