I do actually have two, so the cat hair and litter tracked everywhere adds mess that is not my own! :)

Self hatred because if you were just better it wouldn’t take 6 hours to clean a one bedroom apartment that you live in alone and are never even home in and if you didn’t suck so much it wouldn’t ever get dirty and need cleaned beyond a quick vacuum in the first place.

For me, once the interruption happens then it switches to “you stupid bitch, you did it, you did it, you stupid bitch, don’t do it again, don’t do it again, this is why you have no friends you stupid bitch…”

Is that why my soul is dead?

This sounds like something you would do if you have already robbed a bank and you need to get rid of the dyed money. Buy your own dye, withdraw your own money, dye cash that you can prove is legally obtained, spend it in a bunch of places and make it a “thing”, become known around town as the “crazy dyed cash dude” then start throwing your illegal cash into the mix.