I got a flu shot last week and have been feeling sick since the day after the shot. It feels strange, all the annoyances of being sick without feeling like I’m oozing contagiousness out of every pore.

I’m more annoyed I am unwell enough to go on some hikes. The leaves from all the trees are falling real quick now and I wanted to enjoy the last bits of fall colours. I also want to gather some forest leaves to use as leaf little in my terrariums at home. Leaves far from pesticides. The things I try to do for my little gecko.

Speaking of her, it’s been just over a week now since she’s begun eating again and she’s hungry. I have her outside play area fenced off in my room but I have no idea if she comes out at night during this time of year or just chills in her hiding cave. During the spring and summer time she just wants to explore my whole room and hide under the couch but right now it seems she turned into a hungry little gremlin that just comes out for food. I’ve also noticed with her that she seems more comfortable with me year after year. Even if just a little bit. She still hates hands though so it’s still a struggle attempting to handle her. At least she has a cute little face.

The last couple months for me have been such a huge range of emotions. I’m glad I began seeing a new therapist at a practice which works with lgbt+ people and alternative lifestyles. It’s made such a huge difference and it feels like my therapist is working with me instead of giving me “one size fits all” responses or coping strategies.

I’m also really happy that my therapist suggested I check out some event promoters for meeting people. Ended up going to an Enter Shikari concert last night and met up with with one of those people I met at a mingling event. She came with one of her friends and they were both super nice and so much fun. One of them was off in the mosh pit half the time and trying to crowd surf, the other was this tiny little girl at the edge of the mosh pit pushing people back in. It was amazing. I woke up the day before with a super stiff neck so I stuck to the edge of the mosh pit with the other. Fortunately the muscle relaxants and weed pills I took earlier helped with the pain so I was able to enjoy the night and energy.

Love that band, amazing show and I had such a good time. The person that met at the mingling party is also into techno, including the hard stuff. She also told me to let her know when I’m back in Toronto when we parted so I’m going to let her know what techno parties I’m headed to in the future.

Her friend also gave me a bunch of metal bands to listen to which I’m excited to check out. I cancelled my Spotify account a while ago so I’ve been re-exploring my current library for the past while. It’ll be nice to add something new. Plus I prefer this form of music exploration compared to all the algorithms and “AI” playlists. It’s far less overwhelming and lets me appreciate albums as a whole again.

I’m in such a good mood right now. Could be better but I’m paying the price for being in the mess of a rock show. Should have been resting my neck at home with a heat pad but last night was worth all the pain.

I went to a party a couple days ago. It’s meant for queer people to meet new people. Had a surprisingly good night and met a few people.

I really wish I knew how hitting on people works because I’m so painfully oblivious to it all. People seem to have a tendency to start kissing and I have no idea what I’m doing. I was just being nice?? Anyway, that night a guy I was talking to started kissing my neck and I had to politely tell him I was just there to meet new people. Fortunately he took it super well. I have plans to invite him to one of the techno parties I go to regularly which should be fun.

Also, as I was leaving, I happened to be talking to a group of people and someone just happened to mention a band that’s playing in Toronto next week. Turns out her and I are seeing the same band play so I think we are gonna go together? We’ve been slowly texting each other so we’ll see but should be fun either way. I’m still pretty excited.

I look forward to hiking the next couple weeks, the leaves are all changing colours, lots of reds, yellow and orange. I absolutely love fall colours.

The second worst part of a new tattoo is the itch. So itchy…

I got a new tattoo yesterday of a couple of mourning doves. The artist working on me was working around some ticklish areas. I kept jumping at all the light touches when she was wiping away excess ink from the area so I asked her to use a bit more pressure when she was working there. She laughed and said no one has ever asked her to be more rough but I was twitching a whole lot less after I asked. Other than that, it was nice to have a quiet mind for a few hours. Getting a tattoo is the closest thing to meditation I’ll ever get.

Also, I’m going to a party this weekend and am both excited and anxious. I think it might be a techno party but the organizers of the party host events for queer people to meet each other. It’s going to be loud which is awful for me when trying to talk to others. I usually go dance by myself because I’m there for the music but this time I’ll have to try and meet some people. I’m hoping since the event is for meeting new people that things will work itself out. We’ll see how the night goes.

I think I meant gardening instead of farming in my first comment. I’m drawing comparisons from the majority of my life in the suburbs. I have strong feelings about industrial farming that I’m not interested in going into at the moment.

I do believe it’s important for us to learn how to rejuvenate our land as a step towards a sustainable future which is why I’m interested in learning and sharing such things. Food is quite important to our lives.

Not being able to till or use synthetic fertilisers makes it a lot harder to scale up production.

This is exactly why I believe we need to start relearning soil health care among many other things. This is why we need to bring food back locally into everyone’s yard’s and parks. This is why we need this knowledge now to help future generations.

It’s hard to imagine another way of living life but we’ll never know if we don’t collectively try.

I’ve personally drawn a lot of inspiration from Australian indigenous peoples and their approach to land management which is why I feel so strongly about learning soil health.

I’ve only had a year experience with growing crops but learned a lot about how important “living soil” is from having a bioactive terrarium.

Bioactive refers to making an active ecosystem with plants, insects and even microfauna. In mine I had plants, isopods (land shrimp) and springtails. The isopods break down fruits, veggies, poop and decaying matter like fallen leaves. The springtails eat fungi and mold that forms from constant moisture. The plants thrive off the nutritious bug poop.

Learning about this cycle was important to me understanding that creating a garden means creating a home for all the insect and microfauna first, the resulting crops were the tasty bonus.

Clover is amazing for ground cover. The roots will help losen soil. Along with underground insects, this helps create air pockets in the soil for all plant roots to breath. It helps prevent moisture loss, keeping enough moisture for roots to gather nutrients with less watering. The roots also act as a home for bacteria, fungi and anything considered microfauna really. The flowers attract pollinators which is so important for both crops and local pollinator populations. It may also bring nitrogen into the soil providing food for other plants or crops. I’m recalling most of this from memory so there may be outdated or slightly misremembered info but that was my take away from my initial research into healthy, living soil.

My first year of crops grew amazingly and I hope for more of that. This year I’m adding walking planks and a few large stones to my garden. Between the clover ground cover, stones and wood, that should give even more protection for my tiny insect\microfauna friends. I even went as far as to add a layer of fallen leaves over the soil to help protect it during the winter.

I can never look at “traditional” western farming practices the same again. Soil health is just not given the attention it truly needs.

I’ve been in a situation before where I went up against something bigger than me for reasons that would affect not only myself but the people around me. It was both shocking and frustrating to find out that the people who would gain to benefit from my proposed actions, were the first to turn their backs on me.

Questioning my intelligence, telling me it’s impossible and a waste of time, telling me to just roll over and accept how things are.

I pushed forward and in the process learned a lot. Understood the inner workings of a social machine. I did so mainly by myself with very little positive support behind me.

In the end, I achieved my goal of removing someone from a position of power. It came at many costs. Some included social exclusion from people who should have been supportive.

Those people were afraid and projected that fear on to me. That projected fear came in the form of anger and resentment towards me. That fear causes people to drag down others who try to improve things. It feels like insanity because it’s hard to make sense of it when everything is playing out in real time.

In the video Ross made, it appears to me that he is being open, honest and realistic of what he wants to do and is asking to learn. He wants to do something for the benefit of others and not only himself. Unsurprisingly, some of the first reactions are to question his intelligence and say what he wants to do is impossible.

Even if he tries and fails, he’ll be a wiser person for it. He’s also a content creator so it’s almost expected to anticipate a follow up video detailing what he has learned. More available knowledge is always a good thing.

As long as Ross and people like Ross who want to make honest, sensible attempt at changing the world, I will be supportive of that. Fracturing our own collective strengths will cause more harm than good.

I watched his video and I get the impression that even he doesn’t think he stands the slightest chance to accomplish anything.

It seems like he wants to learn about something to defend something else he is passionate about even if he has no chance.

At the very least he is encouraging discussion and attempting bring awareness to the issue of live services affecting games and other aspects of modern life.

I’d be wary if he was promising things beyond sensible reason but that wasn’t the vibe I was getting from that video. He seems genuine in the direction he would like to take. He made it quite clear there is no concrete plan and an expectation that nothing can happen or it will end in failure if he even goes through with it.

He is asking and he is trying to learn. If Ross doesn’t understand what he’s up against now, he will after people begin throwing him more information. I get the feeling he’ll make an update video with what he learned and I will be interested in what he has to say.

I don’t fault him for trying. Things are bleak and people are looking for any reason to resist or fight back. Maybe something will happen. Maybe not.

I’m a person who doesn’t enjoy rolling over for the status quo so I’m happy seeing more people wanting to take a stand. Let’s hope he stays sensible.