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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: July 5th, 2023

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  • It can be hard. Honestly I got pretty lucky in that I was able to find lots of good people through work. There are good and bad parts to the industry I work in, I got hired by a company with a really strong culture that matched what I was looking for. So I was surrounded by a ton of people with similar values and overlapping interests.

    Without that, I think mostly it’s about trial and error. If you’re struggling to find the right people, you need to be brave enough to keep putting yourself out there, and to walk away from groups that just aren’t a good match. Like I said, not easy!



  • Bit of a left field suggestion but one thing that really helps is finding your people.

    In my younger years I sometimes really struggled with casual conversation, I often felt like I was the weird guy who had nothing to say.

    It turned out that was only really true when I was spending a lot of time with people with whom I had very little in common. As I got older I eventually found "my people". Friends who I click with, who I share values and interests with, who communicate similarly to me.

    It's not about finding people who are just copies of you, that would be pretty boring and make for a real social echo chamber. You want a range of friends with different interests, from different walks of life. But you want them to be, for lack of a better term "compatible" with you.

    If you happen to be neurodivergent then that adds a whooooole extra layer of complexity to conversational compatibility. There's a stereotype that autistic people are awkward or socially inept, which is complete rubbish. They just communicate differently to neurotypicals. Put a bunch of similar autistic people in a room together and watch them have no trouble at all making conversation with each other, in their own style.

    Anyway, maybe this isn't relevant to you, and you're already happy with the people in your life. But it's worth taking the time to examine whether the reason you struggle to make conversation is because you're trying to make it with the wrong people.





  • Same, if I have a family bag of chips in front of me, I’ll eat the whole bag. If I serve an enormous bowl of pasta, I’ll eat the whole bowl.

    The only way I can not overeat is to not have it in arms reach. So yeah, pour a sensible serve of chips into a bowl and then eat that. Leave some pasta in the pot, or put it straight in the fridge for lunch tomorrow.

    By the time I sit down to eat, the battle is already over, whether I’ve won or lost.