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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: June 19th, 2023

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  • It probably comes partly out of the social dynamic that causes the tendency to value men primarily by their usefulness rather than who they are personally. Feeling gets in the way of me getting shit done, earning money to support my family, etc., so I turn feelings off, mostly. I could turn them back on and learn to manage them and whatnot, but if that doesn’t make it easier for me to earn money, fix the house, etc., or worse, actively gets in the way of those things by taking more of my work time or making it harder for me to want to do those things, then I don’t have an incentive to be genuinely emotionally connected.

    Also, evident confidence in one’s ability to handle shit helps to make dependents feel happier and safer, so experiencing uncertainty, fear, and other such emotions tends to act against one’s own interest in getting shit done and avoiding drama that distracts from shit getting done.

    So yeah, it’s kind of a question of ‘who do you want to be?’. Personally, I put a fair bit of effort into suppressing ‘negative’ emotions (fear, uncertainty, sadness, envy) and try to encourage positivity (curiosity, joy, whatever the word for the opposite of envy is (ChatGPT says ‘mudita’, vicarious joy). I figure this tends to blunt some of the more subtle and nuanced emotional states since I’m kind of artificially managing the states, but it is a practice that helps people who depend on me feel stable and safe so they can do the things they want to do, which is important to me.

    Compassion is probably the hardest to manage this way, mostly because it is a response to sympathetic feelings of negative emotions. Like, if I see someone who is sad and I am suppressing my sadness emotions this also has a heavy damping effect on my sympathetic sadness which is what usually triggers compassionate behavior. So I have to kind of manually watch for situations where sympathetic responses are appropriate and ease up on the suppression a bit (but not too much) to allow the empathy to kick in.




  • I use a cheap paper notebook, like 5x8 inch size. Each day, first thing when I start work, I write the date at the top of the next blank page, copy the items from the previous page that are not done, and add new items at the bottom of the list as they come up. Tasks I haven’t started have a blank box next to them, tasks I’ve started get a half-filled box, and finished items get a filled box. Anything that moves from one day to the next that hasn’t been started gets a digit in the box that increases by one each day. If the number gets to 10 I cross the item off as cancelled. When I’m picking a new task I try to prioritize some the tasks with higher numbers.

    If I need to take notes I’ll use nearby blank space, sometimes a facing page. Generally I keep notes very short, long details go into whatever ticketing system we’re using with the ticket number in my notebook so I can find it again. There are a few other habits I use that are generally in line with the Getting Things Done (GTD) productivity techniques, like simple flags for what sort of action I can take on the item (completable (about half a day or less), needs more info, needs decomposition (more than half a day of work)), with the notable difference that I don’t make any effort to ‘capture everything’. I load-shed aggressively and early, which is in-line with the way I want to live my life.

    Mostly I don’t keep very many active tasks, so it’s rare that I have to cancel items. If my list is getting long I stop putting new items on it and just tell people I’m too busy to accept new stuff. I used to try to track more stuff, but I learned that just meant I ended up with lots of notes about stuff that I never had time to do, so I quite wasting my time tracking them.

    When the notebook is full I put it on the shelf and get a new one.

    I keep the notebook next to me on my desk. If someone asks me for something I check the book, if it looks like I’ve got time, I add it to the book. When I go to a meeting, I take it with me. If I don’t happen to have it I usually remember what’s on the current page because I just wrote it there that morning.

    It’s low-tech, and I like it that way. Partly because I like to find nice pens to write with.



  • > perfect mechanical shuffle

    What’s perfect in this context? It’s maybe a little counterintuitive because I’d think a perfect mechanical shuffle would be perfectly deterministic (assuming no mechanical failure of the device) so that it would be repeatable. Like, you would give it a seed number (about 67 digits evidently) and the mechanism would perform a series of interleaves completely determined by the seed. Then if you wanted a random order you would give the machine a true random seed (from your wall of lava lamps or whatever) and you’d get a deck with an order that is very likely to never have been seen before. And if you wanted to play a game with that particular deck order again you’d just put the same seed into the machine.



  • I just do it, usually while thinking about other stuff.

    So, for me if I start thinking about other stuff very much while doing something like brushing my teeth, I stop doing the something. Like, literally I’ll snap out of a chain of thought that I mostly don’t remember (‘why am I thinking about harvesting cranberries? I need to get to work!’) and I’ll realize I’ve just spent a minute or two standing still in the bathroom holding my toothbrush and toothpaste staring at nothing in particular.

    If I start thinking about something mid-process I’ll end up missing part. The entire process requires attention. I have to mentally label 12 areas, A-L, then count 10 seconds for each area, every single time, A 0123456789, B0123456789, C0123456789, etc.


  • What about playing musical instruments like learning guitar? Wouldn’t that constitute a habit that becomes automatic after enough practice?

    Not for me. I’ve been trying to learn an instrument for several years. I can make it maybe a few days at a time before I forget to keep doing it. If I’m very persistent I can get in enough days of erratic practice to learn a short song.

    Playing short sequence of notes is kinda-sorta automatic as in I don’t have to think about all the details of positioning my right hand (it’s a bit like touch typing on a keyboard, I don’t have to think about the individual letters), but that’s about the maximum level of ‘automatic’ I’ve been able to achieve. Finger placement for every chord is completely conscious, every key change, placement of emphasis, etc., all deliberate, conscious actions.

    While it’s kind of satisfying to make it through a piece, it’s not relaxing in any way. I keep hoping that someday I’ll get good enough at it that I can make it through at least one song without needing to think about each step, but it’s slow-going.


  • Previously my server was just a Debian box where I had a ‘docker’ directory with a bunch of .sh files containing ‘docker run’ commands (and a couple of docker-compose files for services that that have closely related containers). That works really well, it’s easy to understand and manage. I had nginx running natively to expose stuff as necessary.

    Recently I decided to try TrueNAS Scale (I wanted more reliable storage for my media library, which is large enough to be annoying to replace when a simple drive fails), and I’m still trying to figure it out. It’s kind of a pain in the ass for running containers since the documentation is garbage. The web interface is kind of nice (other than constantly logging me out), but the learning curve for charts and exposing services has been tough, and it seems that ZFS is just a bad choice for Docker.

    I was attracted to the idea of being able to run my services on my NAS server as one appliance, but it’s feeling like TrueNAS Scale is way too complicated for home-scale (and way too primitive for commercial, not entirely sure what market they are aiming for) and I’m considering dumping it and setting up two servers, one for NAS and for running my containers and VMs.