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Cake day: July 12th, 2023

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  • Raw. And then they’ll cook it. Which means you (and maybe your kids) don’t have to wait to get home and cook it, plus you save on whatever fuels your stove. This must be the kind of store that also sells raw ingredients as well as cooked. If they have the grill or fryer hot already, it’s not a big loss for them, and you’ll probably also buy milk or whatever, but it’s still a big kindness.



  • A rental wheelchair is going to be kind of the worst, because it’s not fitted to you and your needs. But at least you can stand up now and then for a break. Be prepared for the fact you’re no longer at eye level with most people around you, and you’re probably at boob level for many of the women. Some say this is why the old tradition of having a lap blanket began, but I just made that up. If you’re trying to get across the street and idiots are standing around on the curb cut, don’t get there and say “Excuse me.” Because they’re selfish bastards and you’ll get run over by a car before they move. Cross full speed, (whether you or someone else is pushing) and about ¾ of the way there, yell “WATCH YER BACK!” so they can jump in self-preservation. The phrase also works in crowds.

    Oh, and wear your seatbelt.