I think there are different kinds of violent fantasies. I imagine all kinds of violent stuff in an unrealistic action movie kind of way, with exploding heads and disembowelment and all that (I run D&D games lol). I got worried that I might be dangerous. Then, one time I tried to vividly imagine the actual real world consequences of hurting a real person that I knew, and I couldn’t get any further than imagining the pained, betrayed look on their face before I had to hit the eject button. That brief exercise fucked me up for weeks afterward, but it was pretty reassuring. In the long run. I think I’m the schmuck in the horror movie that chokes when it comes down to actually firing a gun at someone and gets killed for hesitating, and honestly I think I’m okay with that.
10, if that’s as high as it goes. I’m judging ‘perversion’ to be a combination of ‘conceptual distance from normative sex’ and ‘the degree to which the average person would be horrified by it.’ I don’t get banned from places because I’m not a jerk, but there aren’t any ‘communities’ for what I’m into anyway. I don’t think my thing even has a name, really. For that matter, it might not actually fit on a scale like this where the assumption seems to be ‘sex plus some stuff.’ My therapist thinks I should write a book about it.
It’s kind of lonely, and it’s a pain in the ass to find porn (I usually have to just make my own) but I did get lucky in that none of it involves kids or animals or anyone incapable of consent.