I have a small laptop by the name of GPD WIN 2. It’s about the size of a Nintendo DS, touchscreen, keyboard, one USB-A and USB-C. Might suit your needs.
I get a TON of spam texts where they refer to me as “There”. “There, we tried delivering your package but ran into trouble. Click this link to resend the package or it will go back to the sender” etc etc.
There were certainly parts that were less than stellar (“Help me protect my memory of my family, guardian!”), but that final cutscene before Excision… chills.