• 3 Posts
  • 62 Comments
Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: June 24th, 2023

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  • Not conservative.

    I’ve gotten very very used to being asked for titles on forms and the like. I’ve gotten used to respecting other peoples’ pronouns.

    I have not gotten used to being asked for my own, and I don’t like it.

    I understand that you can look just like me while having a gender identity that does not match my own—some men like to present in a feminine manner sometimes while still being men, and some people are non-binary, third gender, agender, etc. but might still dress in a very feminine way for whatever reason. To cover all your bases, ask pronouns, because guessing “she/her” at a feminine presentation in a body with a feminine shape won’t always be right. If you want to maximize your chances of being correct, you need to ask.

    But whenever I’m asked, I also wonder if I’ve presented in a way that signals anything other than “woman” (which frequently but does not always line up with feminine presentations from feminine bodies). Did I just totally fail at presenting the way I want to and if forced to assume you’d guess I’m third gender, or are you being inclusive and considering that people who present like me aren’t always women? It’s the privileged, cis-woman version of “did you have to ask because I failed hard at passing, or did I pass and you just ask everyone this because not everyone conforms to the gender binary?” I’m really used to my gender being assumed and assumed correctly, and am not comfortable with people being unsure or even assuming wrong. I’m basically getting a microdose of what many non-cis, non-binary, and/or nongenderconforming people have to deal with, and I don’t like it.

    I also understand it is probably for the benefit of most people (I’m aware of some non-cis people also disliking people asking pronouns, with reasons being along the lines of “please assume, I’m a binary trans person and asking makes me worry I don’t pass” or “I’m in the closet right now and asking my pronouns makes me choose between outing myself and misgendering myself” and it’s worth finding some solution for this) for asking to be normalized, so I let my personal discomfort and dislike go. After I ask if they asked pronouns because they honestly thought it’s super likely I don’t use she/her in which case oh god what do I change so I can make the assumption be that I use she/her, or if it’s just them trying to be inclusive and cover all bases which is good and respectable.










  • I can’t actually see the source of the OP of this chain on kbin.

    I’m going to be honest, I have no idea why this is happening. I never thought I would be the idiot who would have to have other users reformat their unusable links and I’m upset that I am apparently that idiot and I’m incredibly frustrated by it. I thought !communityName@instanceName and @communityName@instanceName were supposed to work across the Fediverse so I didn’t have to resort to [text I want to display](URL) every time I wanted to share a community, I guess not. I cannot grasp why some of these are not working for people and are sending everyone to a kbin.cafe search link, even if they’re from Lemmy. Especially since when I used @communityName@instanceName on a different post, I was told by a Lemmy user that !communityName@instanceName was instance-agnostic and would let you access the community through your own instance. Not through mine (kbin.cafe). And that I shouldn’t use @communityName@instanceName because it would send everyone straight to that instance, where if it isn’t also your instance you’re probably not logged in so interacting would be inconvenient.

    I wanted to make a helpful resource, not something people have to spend time fixing because it doesn’t work and I’m very upset that 1) it had to be fixed for me and 2) I can’t understand how to fix it myself. Apparently @communityName@instanceName should be equivalent to [text I want to display](URL) but given that listening to that Lemmy user didn’t work out for my current links I have no idea if swapping the ! for @ would actually work. Plus even if it did, interacting from your own instance would be inconvenient.


  • I did use the Lemmy style.

    I was told to use !community@instance… so that’s what I’m using here

    This is also what constantly pops up in Lemmy sidebars.

    You are not logged in. However you can subscribe from another Fediverse account, for example Lemmy or Mastodon. To do this, paste the following into the search field of your instance: !communityName@instanceName

    Unless you mean that the Lemmy style is just !community, you don’t type @instanceName after it. Did you mean that?

    I was under the impression the way I typed the links would work for everyone. I suppose I was taught incorrectly and I’m extremely frustrated by it. I don’t want to be the village idiot trying to help only to require everyone fix their mistakes for them but it seems that’s what I am right now.




  • Not saying this resentfully, honestly curious. What need does reposting my post as a comment with the instance names that I had in parentheses removed fulfill, what benefit is gained? I put the instance names there for communities that have the same name or close to it, and/or cover the same thing, so that you can tell the various same-name links apart. If it does something useful, I’ll be happy to repost this when no more links are submitted with the instance names taken off. Is this kind of like what some people used to do on Reddit, reposting the post as a comment because otherwise mobile users would be unable to copy/paste the content?